When you miss them the most...

We have so many days to celebrate. We have so many occassions, so many moments that we take for granted and sometimes we celebrate them, sometimes we choose not too, and at times we even make the mistake of forgetting.

But some moments, some occassions, are so meaningful that we only truly realize their worth when the manner in which we remember them have changed forever.

February 10th marks my parents wedding anniversary. Today marks 31 years of marriage, only my father is no longer with us to celebrate it.

It's been 3 1/2 years now since he passed. The world, your mind, common-sense, tells you to move on; to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life. However, how can you rationalize this to your heart when it aches to see your parents smile at one another again the way they used too. How do you rationalize this to your mind when it remembers the years of cakes and laughter on a day when we got together to celebrate the day they were married.

A wedding day isn't just an ordinary day. It's a union that begins the journey of not one person, not two people, but many. It's the beginning of a journey that will impact the lives of countless people either we're aware of that or not. It's an impact that contributes to the continual evolution of our civilization.

I know these days not everyone gets "married" - hey I'm not that old fashioned. But, I think you know me well enough by now to get what I mean.

Today, well tonight - as I'm writing this at 2am, since I can't sleep - I'm just feeling the impact of this day that has snuck up on us again.

Since his passing, we continue to move forward as much as possible. You begin to accept what's happened and live with it. But some days, honestly, you just turn to that empty chair and wish he was still there. Some days, you open his closet and just wish he still adorned those clothes. Some days, you open up something as minor as the home telephone book and see his handwriting and just wish...

Some days you just plain wish...well you wish you had "a wish" - how else can I put that?

I have the strongest mother in the world. Even in his death, our mother breathes life into him and his memories.

February 10th is my parent's wedding anniversary & it will always be a celebration. It will be a celebration of the life, journey and love that I have grown to admire and that has guided me to become the person I am today.

Take a moment and think about the precious moments and people in your life. Never take anything for granted. Every smile, every breath, every ray of light is a gift.


-N
N.