I spent the day listening to music, well listening only to Adele, okay I admit I listened to only 3 songs all day long "Chasing Pavements", "Make you feel my love" and "Hometown Glory". These three songs by Adele are absolutely remarkable and contain within them the energy to move you to tears, inspiration, or glory -- depending on where you are in life right now.
Someone very dear to me told me last week that I am someone who sees each day as a new day. And that wonderful person was right, very right. I blame that tendency on watching Gone with the Wind one too many times. But the past few days, something strange happened. Every day seemed like a continuation of the previous day. The same mood, the same environment, everything just continued to be...well the same.
I'm starting to think that this day -- April 13th -- is always going to be quite unpredictable for me. Last year all I wanted was to be around people, this year all I wanted was to be alone. Have I lost you?
You see 2 years ago today, my father passed away. A person who did nothing but encourage me to take risks in life, to face things head on, to enjoy it, to smile, to live, passed away in my arms on April 13th. That was the day that I saw life in the span of one moment.
It is absolutely true what people say about "your life flashing before your eyes before death". Only technically it wasn't my life, it was my father's, and yet I saw it flash before me. It turned out that a part of me died that day as well. The part that died was the part that saw life ignorantly, narrowly, and selfishly. Nothing was ever the same since that moment.
When my father passed, I felt his heart beat stop, I felt the warmth of his body fade and turn cold, and I saw his eyes close. One moment he was there, the next he was gone.
Moments like these will shake you up and give you a new outlook; a new perspective; a new journey. I'm still trying to figure it out. Still trying to figure out how to move away, or if there is anything I need to move away from; still trying to figure out how to remember him; still trying to figure out why it happened so soon.
However, one thing that I'll never be confused about is who my father was. He was an incredible human being. His wide smile (that I've been left with) defined him. His courage (that my sister's been left with) took him on an incredible journey; and his patience (that my brother has been left with) gave him his wisdom.
I can't say these things out loud - - but I can feel them through music and I can express them through writing. I just wanted to say that it's important to pay attention to the moments in your life, because they teach us many great things. It is only through this process that you can finally understand your life as a journey; as an illuminating journey -- just as my father did at age 48.
Living a full life to the age of 48 --- tell me just how rare is that? Answer: Very Rare.
I consider myself to be very lucky that I spent the time that I did, that I learned the things that I did, from a father such the one I was blessed to have. It is only because of his steadfast dedication as a father and his relentless pursuit to understand the word of God that he was able to depart this world at such a young age and still leave me with the realization that one can truly see life in a mere moment.
Age has nothing to do with it -- only wisdom.
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