Happiness...

I was watching a film the other day, "Vicky, Christina, Barcelona" - Penelope Cruz even won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, for portraying the insanely jealous, hyper and breathtakingly artistic Maria Elena. Watching Scarlett Johansson's character, Christina, who spends a summer in Barcelona trying to "find herself" - I was left with a nagging thought -- "do we ever truly find ourselves?"

She arrives in Barcelona acknowledging the fact that she is facing a time in her life where she can no longer just keep treading through life like she has been and she desperately needs to figure out what she wants and find happiness. Throughout the course of the summer, she truly begins to feel that she has found that purpose, and herself -- yet in the end she leaves Barcelona just as confused and lost as she was when she first arrived.

So it begs the question - "Are we ever satisfied?" Which then begs the question "what defines our happiness?"

We work hard to achieve a certain position in life  and I've seen through some very successful and prominent people, that when they reach that place, they're still not satisfied. They need more, as they realize that what they envisioned doesn't give it all to them. So then what are we looking for?

I know that when I shut myself off to the world and hide behind my writing I become absorbed in the characters that take shape in my crazy imagination. That process as well is complicated enough to drive me mad, because once you take on these characters they do not leave you until you complete the story and are done with it. But the experience is still very much exhilarating.

Yet, I do not have the courage to simply leave what I do (which is law school full-time) and just pursue this passion and why is that?

So, instead I choose to be overwhelmed; I choose to be stressed out; I choose to break out, when I don't even eat any chocolates! And for what? What am I trying to achieve?

Happiness?

Something tells me that when I get my law degree, I will not have achieved my true happiness. Yet we treat these goals as our aim towards happiness.

Seeing my book in print is probably the biggest dream I have had. One that instantly soothes me when I think about it. Yet, I know that it will not bring me the happiness that I have attached to it. 

After some thought -- I realized what will give me happiness in the form of that specific dream -- and that is expression. I will be happy because I have successfully expressed myself and left it for others to see. It is a tangible expression of myself.

But it will not stop there - it will continue with the many other stories that are begging to be put into print, but are as of yet stored in my memory.

If one wanders down the "religious" or "spiritual" route -- one has to consider what the purpose of life is? If we're born into this world, only to hurl over and die one day - then what's the point? To find love? To pursue happiness? To have a family? To build relationships? To discover the meaning of life? Sure I've heard all of these answers -- but again...if we are to just die, what's the purpose?

Is it just God's experiment? See what souls will do in the images of humans? Animals?

I think I'm waiting on someone to turn around and tell me that I'm living in the "Matrix" -- lol.

Anyways -- I've got a fever today, and it's raining outside and this movie just really made me reflect. But look at your life and try to find the answers for yourself. If you've already got them -- then maybe you should write a book

Take it Easy people ;)